A Message About Ukraine

The following message was distributed to Parkside families and staff on February 28, 2022.

Dear Parents and Staff,

Many of you are aware of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. Most of us feel shock, disgust, dread and uncertainty. Modern media makes gaining access to the latest updates easy and constant. Our children will likely have some exposure to the tragic news from Ukraine and the surrounding regions. Some children are asking if this is the beginning of WWIII. Older teens wonder if the US will reinstate the draft. Younger children may not be aware of what is going on outside their sphere of school and home. That is ok. You can gently ask them what they know about the war in Ukraine. If they do not know about the war, let it go with the proviso that they can come to you should they hear anything about the war from friends or media. Given that we are already living with a sense of uncertainty due to Covid, many of us might find ourselves more shaken than usual. One only needs to see videos of children huddled with their families and pets in the subway in Kyiv to imagine their horror. It is extremely unsettling. As a school, we would like to offer some guidelines on how to address the Ukraine invasion with your children. Research shows that when parents and children feel like they can solve their problems together, they will be less likely to be impacted by traumatic stress. For example, parents and teachers can model for children how people and countries can cooperate better and talk to each other instead of fighting. 

As your child’s secure base, it is important to put your own oxygen mask first. Pay attention to your needs for rest, sustenance, and emotional regulation. Be aware of how much news you are watching. It is easy to be caught up in the tragedy of the war. Children follow their parents' lead regarding coping with difficult situations. Parents/caregivers have an opportunity to help their children actively cope with their emotions and manage stressful situations. Have your children teach you how they learn to manage “big “feelings at Parkside (e.g. certain yoga poses, breathing, and drawing, talking to trusted adults). Tell them how you manage stress at home and work. 

Be mindful of your children looking over your shoulder when viewing the latest news on Ukraine. Monitor how much TV you are watching. Notice if your child looks or acts nervous. Ask them what they know about what’s going on in Ukraine. Answer their questions as simply and honestly as you can. If you do not know the answer to a question, tell them you will do some research and find the answer.

Do not assume your child’s needs and worries are the same as yours. Ask for specific information about what makes your child feel anxious. Make an educated guess as to what might be bothering your child if they cannot specify the source of their upset. Often children, depending on their ages, will express predictable worries. Younger children tend to worry about bodily harm coming to them or their caregivers. They worry about basic needs. Older children including teens often worry about their performance in school, how others perceive them, and their bodies. Access to social media can seriously affect their day-to-day mood. Encourage them to talk to you if they seem “off” in some way, especially regarding what they are hearing in the news or from their peers.

Often children (and adults) feel better when they can help. Encourage your children to donate to charities that make a positive impact in Ukraine.

NPR offers a link to support the people of Ukraine: https://www.npr.org/2022/02/25/1082992947/ukraine-support-help

Lastly, simply listening, validating and reassuring your child that you and others are doing everything you can to keep them safe is the most powerful antidote to mitigate their worries. 

Sincerely,

Rick Alston, LCSW
Social Work Department

Albina Miller and Leslie Thorne
Co-Heads of School